methodistgirl
New member
That was so cute Margret
judy tooley
judy tooley
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter pnoom
- Start date
Hawk Henries
New member
Getting Old
4 old mischievous Grandmas were sitting at a table in a nursing home.
About then an old Grandpa walked in.
One of the old Grandma's yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell
exactly how old you are."
The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants &
under shorts & we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he
dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times & to
jump up & down several times. Then they all piped up & said, "You're
87 years old!"
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked,
"How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their knees & grinning from ear to ear, all 4 old ladies
happily yelled in unison--"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
4 old mischievous Grandmas were sitting at a table in a nursing home.
About then an old Grandpa walked in.
One of the old Grandma's yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell
exactly how old you are."
The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants &
under shorts & we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he
dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times & to
jump up & down several times. Then they all piped up & said, "You're
87 years old!"
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked,
"How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their knees & grinning from ear to ear, all 4 old ladies
happily yelled in unison--"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
marval
New member
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
:clap::wave::banana::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:
I knew that one Hawk, but it´s still good, keep `em coming!!
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
:clap::clap::wave::banana::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol: That´s the great thing with children, they always are more logical.
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Is this add a joke?
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marval
New member
The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whisky received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
Remembering a bottle of Irish whisky received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
Taliban TV Guide
MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "Bowling For Food"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"
FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionaire"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"
MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "Bowling For Food"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"
FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionaire"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"
methodistgirl
New member
That was so funny!:grin:
judy tooley
judy tooley
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
Mat - that should most definately be in the politically incorrect category, most amusing but terribly one sided.
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JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
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PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM-LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibility of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it!
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AŃ EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED: Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM-LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibility of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it!
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Judy, Margaret, Intet - thanks
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are
talking about the amount of control they have over their wives,
while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over
your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife
came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they
asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a
man'."
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are
talking about the amount of control they have over their wives,
while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over
your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife
came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they
asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a
man'."
methodistgirl
New member
That was so funny!:grin:
judy tooley
judy tooley