The Jokes Thread

marval

marval

New member
Yes I think we must do, my sense of humour definately comes from my father. He had a great sense of humour, but my mother didn't always notice.


Margaret
 
marval

marval

New member
Why wasn't the naughty skeleton afraid of the police? Because he knew they couldn't pin anything on him.


Margaret
 
Contratrombone64

Contratrombone64

Admiral of Fugues
I had an uncle who had a skeleton in his study (he was a doctor). I remember being scarred witless of it when I was a small lad. Silly really.
 
Contratrombone64

Contratrombone64

Admiral of Fugues
Hi Margaret

And then my silly parents gave us a glow in the dark skeleton for our birthday once and Peter (my fraternal twin) and I used to shreek and ask that it be moved out of the room as it spooked us, or at least I shreeked, I think it didn't worry him too much.
 
marval

marval

New member
I think it would have spooked me.

Glow in the dark things are usually a bit eerie.

My niece had a cuddly toy called a glo worm, it glowed when it was cuddled.


Margaret
 
Contratrombone64

Contratrombone64

Admiral of Fugues
Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.
 
rojo

rojo

(Ret)
^^ :lol: CT64

On the topic of skeletons, when I was little, we had the coolest 'piggy bank'. It was black, looked like a coffin, and when you put a coin on a spot on it, a skeleton's hand would come out of the box and pull the coin into the box. The skeleton was glow in the dark as well. I wonder what happened to that thing. Probably got sold at one of our garage sales. Oh well.

Found it. lol Or at least a copy of it...

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Wind-Up-Coffi...QihZ015QQcategoryZ149QQtcZphotoQQcmdZViewItem
 
Last edited:
Mat

Mat

Sr. Regulator
Staff member
Sr. Regulator
Regulator
There was this boy in high school that was what you would
consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement
of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look
what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of
soil and instantly grass started to grow.

Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked
his son if he can make something to make his penis grow.

His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then
dad would have to buy him a convertible.

Dad agreed.

The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his
dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told
him that he had something to show him. They went to the front
yard and the boy saw a cherry red ferrari.

The son looked at his dad and said "I only asked for a convertible."

The dad replied "the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is
from your mother."
 
marval

marval

New member
N-o-w, you know why!!!

When a woman wears a leather dress
A man's heart beats quicker
And his throat gets dry
He goes weak in the knees
And he begins to think irrationally
Ever wonder why?


Because she smells like a new car.
 
intet_at_tabe

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Mat said:
There was this boy in high school that was what you would
consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement
of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look
what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of
soil and instantly grass started to grow.

Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked
his son if he can make something to make his penis grow.

His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then
dad would have to buy him a convertible.

Dad agreed.

The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his
dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told
him that he had something to show him. They went to the front
yard and the boy saw a cherry red ferrari.

The son looked at his dad and said "I only asked for a convertible."

The dad replied "the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is
from your mother."
Click to expand...

AWESOME Mat :tiphat:, way to go :clap::clap::clap::clap::banana::banana::banana::banana::trp::trp::trp::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
intet_at_tabe

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
marval said:
N-o-w, you know why!!!

When a woman wears a leather dress
A man's heart beats quicker
And his throat gets dry
He goes weak in the knees
And he begins to think irrationally
Ever wonder why?


Because she smells like a new car.
Click to expand...

Ms. Margaret :tiphat:you too :clap::clap::clap::clap::banana::banana::banana::banana::trp::trp::trp::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol: and that ain´t a lie.
 
intet_at_tabe

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.

"And now someone's suin' them fast food restaurants for making 'em fat and cloggin' their hearts with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?"

"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"

"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinking, can I sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've slept with?"
 
intet_at_tabe

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Muza said:
lols, Intet - good one ;).
P.S. He probably can if he is in America ;)
Click to expand...

Thank you Muza dear :tiphat:

How about this one:

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they`re intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate." Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Manmohan immediately responds, "It`s me, Sir !" "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam. He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he`d better put Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What`s on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem. "Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It`s me, of course." Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It`s our Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!"
 
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