Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Does a Stool Pidgeon sit on a Stool?
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter pnoom
- Start date
Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
A Harp is a nude piano.
My very best liked piece of music is Bronze Lullaby.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is too tangled up.
Strive to get the maximum NPS(note per second).
That way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.
If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of your partners.
My very best liked piece of music is Bronze Lullaby.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is too tangled up.
Strive to get the maximum NPS(note per second).
That way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.
If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of your partners.
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Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Cello - The proper way to answer the phone.
Perfect Pitch - The smooth coating on freshly paved road.
Perfect Pitch - The smooth coating on freshly paved road.
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marval
New member
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.
He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.
He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.
Margaret
He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits.
He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.
The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.
Margaret
Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
French Horn - Your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you stagger in at 4 a.m.
Passing tone - Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.
Transpositions - Men who wear dresses.
Ritard - There's one in every family.
Bossa Nova - The car your foreman drives.
What do you call 5 horn players living together?
Ans: A Crack House.
Estampie - What they put on letters in Quebec.
Passing tone - Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues.
Transpositions - Men who wear dresses.
Ritard - There's one in every family.
Bossa Nova - The car your foreman drives.
What do you call 5 horn players living together?
Ans: A Crack House.
Estampie - What they put on letters in Quebec.
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Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Embouchure - the way you look when you've been playing the Krummhorn.
No pun intended towards Our Dear Master Krummhorn ; - )
Lauda - The difference between shawms and krummhorns.
Supertonic: Schweppes.
I can't reach the brakes on ths piano.
MarshMahlers
Oscar Meyerbeer Bologna
Chicken Balakirev
TchaiCOUGHsky drops
BeethOVEN cleaner
It was the bottom of the Ninth,
The basses were loaded,
And the score was tied.
What's the definition of an optimist?
Ans: A choral director with a mortgage.
Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
Ans: Because he's Haydn.
I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
The principle singer of 19th Cent. Opera was called pre-Madonna.
What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
Ans: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA.
What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
Ans: "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?
I am Lisztless.
No pun intended towards Our Dear Master Krummhorn ; - )
Lauda - The difference between shawms and krummhorns.
Supertonic: Schweppes.
I can't reach the brakes on ths piano.
MarshMahlers
Oscar Meyerbeer Bologna
Chicken Balakirev
TchaiCOUGHsky drops
BeethOVEN cleaner
It was the bottom of the Ninth,
The basses were loaded,
And the score was tied.
What's the definition of an optimist?
Ans: A choral director with a mortgage.
Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
Ans: Because he's Haydn.
I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.
The principle singer of 19th Cent. Opera was called pre-Madonna.
What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
Ans: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA.
What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
Ans: "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?
I am Lisztless.
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Ahem ... when posting, please refrain from making several posts in a row (flooding) if it can be avoided. Any member can "edit" their own post up to 12 hours after the initial posting and add additional lines. The staff has performed a good number of merges in this thread without altering (editing) content.
As a gentle reminder, the posting guidelines read, in part:
"• Do not make several posts in a row in the same thread if it can be avoided. If you have made a post and wish to add additional info / follow up - and others have not yet replied - if possible edit the post instead of making a new reply. (you can edit posts up to 12 hours after posting). Please note that this guideline is in part made to avoid inflation of the title system, thus repeated abuse of it may lead to subtraction of your post count and/or "demotion". Note that members of the staff may ignore this guideline when posting about matters of relevance to the forum or otherwise deemed of importance."
Thanks
Krummhorn,
Sr. Regulator
As a gentle reminder, the posting guidelines read, in part:
"• Do not make several posts in a row in the same thread if it can be avoided. If you have made a post and wish to add additional info / follow up - and others have not yet replied - if possible edit the post instead of making a new reply. (you can edit posts up to 12 hours after posting). Please note that this guideline is in part made to avoid inflation of the title system, thus repeated abuse of it may lead to subtraction of your post count and/or "demotion". Note that members of the staff may ignore this guideline when posting about matters of relevance to the forum or otherwise deemed of importance."
Thanks
Krummhorn,
Sr. Regulator
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Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blown apart.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Acupuncture: a jab well done
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum blown apart.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Acupuncture: a jab well done
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
CT64 - AWESOME!! :tiphat::tiphat::clap::clap::banana::banana::trp::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Ms. Margaret :tiphat:
What are lawyers for, if not catching any worthwhile arguement, not heard before, no matter how weird even to the defendant? :clap::clap::banana::banana::trp::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Ms. Margaret :tiphat:
Of course he did, they always do. Except if he employed a public lawyer. You know fresh out of law school. But you know any lawyer must according to the principles of being a defence lawyer, wether the defendant is 100% guilty or not, give him or her the best possible defence. Remember it´s up to the procecuters to prove the guilt, not the defence lawyer, who has to prove his or her client is innocent.
There´s a proverb about lawyers in generel - They never ask a question to a a person in the witness box, without knowing the answer themselves.
There´s another proverb or joke if you please about lawyers, perhaps you know it?:
What´s a good beginning??
marval
New member
Hi Intet What's a good begining? That one I don't know, you will have to enlighten me.
But here is another lawyer one.
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"
He answered no to the question.
The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was "why?"
Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it "Never got caught."
Margaret
But here is another lawyer one.
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"
He answered no to the question.
The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was "why?"
Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it "Never got caught."
Margaret
Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
"Whats a good beginning"?
Ans: Finding 50 thousand lawyers at the bottom of a lake.
Ans: Finding 50 thousand lawyers at the bottom of a lake.