The Jokes Thread

marval

marval

New member
My Dearest Susan,

Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.

Yours always and truly,
John

P.S. Congratulations on winning the state lottery.
 
methodistgirl

methodistgirl

New member
Some people make fun of how we say things in the south. I said"
You are going to feel funny if St. Peter says, "Come on yall get in
the truck you going to the big House."!
judy tooley
 
intet_at_tabe

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
marval said:
My Dearest Susan,

Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.

Yours always and truly,
John

P.S. Congratulations on winning the state lottery.
Click to expand...

Ms. Margaret :tiphat:

You have rather low thoughts of this character John presumingly, perhaps a genuin freeloader :rolleyes::smirk::crazy::grin: Well, I guess there would be a reason for the nessessity for John to write. I guess he would be both a freeloader and a jerk.
 
Andrew Roussak

Andrew Roussak

New member
marval said:
My Dearest Susan,

Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.

Yours always and truly,
John

P.S. Congratulations on winning the state lottery.
Click to expand...


BRILLIANT!!!! OMG!!!!!!!
 
Contratrombone64

Contratrombone64

Admiral of Fugues
Margaret - I have a sneaking suspicion there's going to be a "Dear John ..." letter soon, from Susan. Great joke, made me smile.
 
Contratrombone64

Contratrombone64

Admiral of Fugues
A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the loud, satisfying "THUMP" and then swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church five miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"
 
marval

marval

New member
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"
 
intet_at_tabe

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
CT64 :clap::clap::clap::clap::banana::banana::banana::banana::trp::trp::trp::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol::nut::smash::ut::devil:

You really have improved on your somewhat often almost bizarre humor. I love this one, but then team work is what matters. AWESOME - CT64 :lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
intet_at_tabe

intet_at_tabe

Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
You too, however not bizarre Ms. Margaret :tiphat:

"That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".

:clap::clap::clap::clap::banana::banana::banana::banana::trp::trp::trp::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:.
 
Corno Dolce

Corno Dolce

Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Why is the horn considered a Godly instrument?
Ans: Because a human blows into it but God only knows what comes out of it.
 
marval

marval

New member
[FONT=Verdana,]A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana,]Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana,]The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana,]When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?" [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana,]The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend." [/FONT]
 
Mat

Mat

Sr. Regulator
Staff member
Sr. Regulator
Regulator
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
 
methodistgirl

methodistgirl

New member
If you sit on a rugged old front porch eating an apple with a pocket
knife while your wife washes cloths by hand. You might be a redneck.
judy tooley
 
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