The Jokes Thread
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intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Commodore con Forza CT64
Wow CT64, straight in from the hot desert down yonder to reveil a so far unknown talent in international political jokes. Hats off for you CT64 :grin::grin::grin::grin:
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intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
You´re getting better and better Ms. Margaret. Now from the animal Kingdom :clap::clap::clap::clap::trp::trp::trp::trp::banana::banana::banana::banana::lol::lol::lol::lol:
Like I´ve always stated dogs ain´t stupid.
Like I´ve always stated dogs ain´t stupid.
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Ms. Margaret
Of course dogs are not stupid. You only have to say "sit", and a trained dog will sit. Now, you try to give this order of the house to a leopard :lol::lol::lol::lol::clap::clap::clap::clap
lease, remember to bring us the results, whenever you´re back :banghead::scold::smash::trp::nut:
Of course dogs are not stupid. You only have to say "sit", and a trained dog will sit. Now, you try to give this order of the house to a leopard :lol::lol::lol::lol::clap::clap::clap::clap
lease, remember to bring us the results, whenever you´re back :banghead::scold::smash::trp::nut:
After a long pubcrawl those two guys discuss wether the moon is red or
green. Since they can't come to a conclusion they go searching a cop.
Finally they find one and ask him: "Please, officcccer, could you tell us
if the moon is red or green?"
The cop looks up and asks back: "The left or the right one?"
green. Since they can't come to a conclusion they go searching a cop.
Finally they find one and ask him: "Please, officcccer, could you tell us
if the moon is red or green?"
The cop looks up and asks back: "The left or the right one?"
methodistgirl
New member
There was a lady with a bunch of kids getting on the bus and the busdriver
said,"Are these all yours and are you going to a picnic?" The Lady replied,
"Yes they're all mine and it ain't no picnic!" A little Kentucky humor for you.
judy tooley
said,"Are these all yours and are you going to a picnic?" The Lady replied,
"Yes they're all mine and it ain't no picnic!" A little Kentucky humor for you.
judy tooley
marval
New member
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb.
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp.
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he's finished rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants...
Labrador: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog; ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero taco bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheepdog: Light bulb? Lightbulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb.
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp.
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he's finished rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go ahead! Make me!
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants...
Labrador: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Hound Dog; ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Chihuahua: Yo quiero taco bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheepdog: Light bulb? Lightbulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb.
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
Judy - that made me laugh
Margaret - love the dog jokes, wonderful.
Margaret - love the dog jokes, wonderful.
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Woops!! And here I try to teach you on dogs Ms. Margaret - AWESOME that repitition on various dogs :lol::lol::lol::lol::banana::banana::banana::banana::trp::trp::trp::trp::clap::clap::clap::clap:
Mat you´re rockin´ :lol::lol::lol::lol::trp::trp::trp::trp::clap::clap::clap::clap::banana::banana::banana::banana:
Mat you´re rockin´ :lol::lol::lol::lol::trp::trp::trp::trp::clap::clap::clap::clap::banana::banana::banana::banana:
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jvhldb
New member
marval
New member
A toast to all dogs.
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his church members. He knew she was a bad housekeeper but agreed. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." He felt a bit uncomfortable, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!
Advert seen in a paper.
Single Black Female:
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, hunting, camping, riding in your pickup truck, fishing trips, cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-2121 and ask for Daisy.
(The phone number was the Humane Society and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador Retriever.)
The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets!"
And if a dog's prayers were answered, bones would rain from the sky.
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his church members. He knew she was a bad housekeeper but agreed. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." He felt a bit uncomfortable, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!
Advert seen in a paper.
Single Black Female:
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, hunting, camping, riding in your pickup truck, fishing trips, cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-2121 and ask for Daisy.
(The phone number was the Humane Society and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador Retriever.)
The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets!"
And if a dog's prayers were answered, bones would rain from the sky.
methodistgirl
New member
In a little country town a lady was asked how she liked her new husband.
She replied,"Being married to this man is like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you've been in it for a while, it isn't so hot." A little more Kentucky
humor.
judy tooley:grin:
She replied,"Being married to this man is like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you've been in it for a while, it isn't so hot." A little more Kentucky
humor.
judy tooley:grin:
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Ms. Judy
:clap::clap::clap::clap::banana::banana::banana::banana::trp::trp::trp::trp::lol::lol::lol::lol:
I don´t think you have to limit this one to be only for Kentucky.
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost
the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the
second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the
airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to
send the driver money from home, offering his credit card numbers,
his driver's license number and his address but to no avail.
The cabbie said, "If you don't have $15, get the hell out of my cab."
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was
barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain
his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the
casino to get a cab back to the airport.
Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs,
but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down
on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could
make the guy pay for his lack of charity and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride
to the airport?" he asked.
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a bl*wjob on the way?"
"What?!! Get the hell out of my cab!"
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and
asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his
old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much
for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks."
The businessman said "OK" and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman
gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.
the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the
second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the
airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to
send the driver money from home, offering his credit card numbers,
his driver's license number and his address but to no avail.
The cabbie said, "If you don't have $15, get the hell out of my cab."
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was
barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain
his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the
casino to get a cab back to the airport.
Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs,
but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down
on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could
make the guy pay for his lack of charity and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride
to the airport?" he asked.
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a bl*wjob on the way?"
"What?!! Get the hell out of my cab!"
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and
asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his
old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much
for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks."
The businessman said "OK" and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman
gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.
methodistgirl
New member
There was this lady who kept on refusing to visit her docter. The doctor
replied," You need to see me you're pregnant and you need my services."
She replied,"No I'm not! I'm just gaining wait." So a few months later she
came back holding a little baby. The doctor replied,"What a cute little fart!"
judy tooley
replied," You need to see me you're pregnant and you need my services."
She replied,"No I'm not! I'm just gaining wait." So a few months later she
came back holding a little baby. The doctor replied,"What a cute little fart!"
judy tooley
marval
New member
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."