The Jokes Thread

JHC

Chief assistant to the assistant chief
A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan . He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof.
 

teddy

Duckmeister
A priest and a Hindu are making toast.
The priest exclaims "look there is an image of Jesus in my margarine!"
The Hindu replies " I can't believe its not Budda!"

teddy
 

marval

New member
HaHa Teddy.


I had curried pelican at my local Indian restaurant last night. Rather nice, but the bill was enormous.


Margaret
 

teddy

Duckmeister
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal: he'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Latin, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.
Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our faiths..
Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. The rabbi responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and host to show that through the perfect sacrifice Jesus has atoned for our sins, but the rabbi pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue."
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.
"I haven't a clue," said the rabbi. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.
Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews but I told him emphatically that we were staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.


 

teddy

Duckmeister
David
That was a cut and paste job from an e-mail. Unfortunately I forgot to go back and edit the font colour in time. I forget why.....................

teddy
 

marval

New member
The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The child replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."


What is a duck's favourite dance?
The quack step of course
 

teddy

Duckmeister
The angel of death came for me last night, but I fought him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death....................
 

teddy

Duckmeister
Whats the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero and the other..................is an instruction.

teddy
 

marval

New member
A child comes home from his first day at school. His mother asks him, "What did you learn today?"

The child replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."


Margaret
 

teddy

Duckmeister
Doctors have identified a food that can cause grief and suffering for years after it is eaten.

Its called wedding cake.

teddy
 
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