Dorsetmike
Member
Complained to the doctor of water on the knee
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he told me to aim better.
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he told me to aim better.
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter pnoom
- Start date
Alban Berg
Banned
LOL
I would like to have the same...forgetting what myserable people have said about you!
Martin
I would like to have the same...forgetting what myserable people have said about you!
Martin
Dorsetmike
Member
Complained to the doctor of a large lump below each ear
He found I had wrongly taken pills prescribed for my wife to treat a dropped womb
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A real balls-up
He found I had wrongly taken pills prescribed for my wife to treat a dropped womb
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A real balls-up
Alban Berg
Banned
My brother's name was Alan
If you're speaking to me...could you be so kind to call me by MY name: Martin.
No ducking
Martin
=======================================
If you're speaking to me...could you be so kind to call me by MY name: Martin.
No ducking
Martin
marval
New member
A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does NOT want to be there.
"Sit, Fluffy," she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.
"I said SIT, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and pees.
The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Fluffy, will you be good?!" Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office.
As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:
"Pardon me, I've just washed my hare, and can't do a thing with it!"
Margaret
"Sit, Fluffy," she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.
"I said SIT, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and pees.
The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Fluffy, will you be good?!" Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office.
As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:
"Pardon me, I've just washed my hare, and can't do a thing with it!"
Margaret
White Knight
Spectral Warrior con passion
:lol: Margaret :lol:
teddy
Duckmeister
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
teddy
Duckmeister
MonasteryLife
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
'We missed the R ! We missed the RWe missed the R!'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEBRATE!!!'
teddy
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
'We missed the R ! We missed the RWe missed the R!'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEBRATE!!!'
teddy
Alban Berg
Banned
You don't need to speak Italian...your imagination would be enough...Hilarious!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr7xcisbg0Y&feature=player_embedded
Ciao!
Martino
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr7xcisbg0Y&feature=player_embedded
Ciao!
Martino
White Knight
Spectral Warrior con passion
Teddy, most excellent. Bravo. Very funny and clever indeed! :lol: :clap:
Alban Berg
Banned
Alcool in the anglophone world
Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
Martin
Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
Martin
White Knight
Spectral Warrior con passion
Alban Berg
Banned
White Knight
Spectral Warrior con passion
I know Martin, I know. :grin: