The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter pnoom
- Start date
teddy
Duckmeister
I had a friend who had a dog jump off a cliff. We all said it had commited suicide. If you had known the woman you would understand. Are animals capable of such acts? Who knows.
Colin, I agree withh ALL your comments. If you prick me, do I not bleed? May you bask in the glow of the blessed SW.
teddy
Colin, I agree withh ALL your comments. If you prick me, do I not bleed? May you bask in the glow of the blessed SW.
teddy
marval
New member
Here are some funny ads.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it
Auto repair service. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Margaret
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it
Auto repair service. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Margaret
JHC
Chief assistant to the assistant chief
OK I just got ta no, whats a ruddy iG? incoming goose?????
marval
New member
HaHa Teddy.
Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.
The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.
The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."
Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?"
"Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"
Margaret
Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.
The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.
The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."
Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?"
"Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"
Margaret
JHC
Chief assistant to the assistant chief
But that is the obvious way to work it out, I always use that method.
Dorsetmike
Member
A bit of nostalgia for us older folk especially UK and Ex-pats, and maybe even a laugh for the rest of you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSSGiA4f5cs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSSGiA4f5cs
JHC
Chief assistant to the assistant chief
It don't get much better than that Mike, timeless classics and a great way to start the day, Thanks, got to go now its 8 o'clock again
Dorsetmike
Member
Not sure if this has been on before, sorry if it has
> The husband leans over and asks his
> wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together
> over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern
> where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to
> you.'
> 'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
> 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there
> again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
> 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good
> idea!'
> A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their
> conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to
> himself, 'I've got to see these two old-timers having sex
> against a fence.
> I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.'
> So he follows them.
> The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each
> other for support aided by walking sticks.
> Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their
> way to the fence.
> The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his
> trousers.
> As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
> Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the
> policeman has ever seen.
> This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making
> loud noises and moaning and screaming.
> Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
>
> The policeman is amazed.
> He thinks he has learned something about life and old age
> that he didn't know.
> After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
> the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their
> clothes back on.
> The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself,
> 'this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their
> secret is.'
> So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but
> that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex
> life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
>
> Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
> 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
>
> The husband leans over and asks his
> wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together
> over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern
> where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to
> you.'
> 'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'
> 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there
> again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
> 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good
> idea!'
> A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their
> conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to
> himself, 'I've got to see these two old-timers having sex
> against a fence.
> I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.'
> So he follows them.
> The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each
> other for support aided by walking sticks.
> Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their
> way to the fence.
> The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his
> trousers.
> As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.
> Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the
> policeman has ever seen.
> This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making
> loud noises and moaning and screaming.
> Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
>
> The policeman is amazed.
> He thinks he has learned something about life and old age
> that he didn't know.
> After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,
> the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their
> clothes back on.
> The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself,
> 'this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their
> secret is.'
> So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but
> that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex
> life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
>
> Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
> 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
>