The Jokes Thread
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intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
C5Says - "Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there"? Well, can´t agree with this from a moral point of view, however your joke had me laugh out loud.
C5Says
New member
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
I guess you need coffee too...it wasn't my jokeIt was Contra's
C5Says - I guess I had too much coffee, I beg your pardon, which means I humbly apologize please!!
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
no problem...just thought you might be too sleepy
you love coffee too?
C5Says - In the kind of buisness, I used to perform with my partner and our staff a special kind of buisness and somewhat being addicted to this buisness for more than 13 years, coffee made us stay awake sometimes for 72 hours straight. Not because we enjoyed it much, working under a deadline - I mean who does? But simply out of need on behalf of our clients, who never minded how we achieved the information they paid os to achieve as long as they got it in time, before the upcoming election in the parliament.
I don´t work anymore, but the addiction to coffee has remained an addiction with me. :grin::grin:
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intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Dear C5Says
"intet-at-tabe" means "nothing-to-lose".
When I first saw your calling name C5Says, my mind wandered to C4 plastic explotions.
Fortunately, you turned out to be friendly, peaceful and better yet - funny. :grin::grin:
C5Says - please remember I am not within your ranks. What did you mean saying: "have you seen what i was able to do with the sachets?".
"sachet´s" are like hankerchiefs or serviettes, right? Please indulge your less than intelligent friend from Denmark, with an explanation to "sachet´s" even a 5 grade pupil can understand.
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marval
New member
I am afraid I like coffee a little too much, but I have cut down a bit. (Says me while I am drinking a coffee.)
===========================
A church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money for a special trip to Bethleham.
They made a large sign that read: CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP. On the scheduled Saturday, business was very good. But by two o'clock the sky clouded, the rain poured, and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the soprano singers had an idea. She printed a very large poster with the words: WE WASH. GOD RINSES. (Next to the words was an arrow pointing skyward.)
Business boomed.
===========================
A church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money for a special trip to Bethleham.
They made a large sign that read: CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP. On the scheduled Saturday, business was very good. But by two o'clock the sky clouded, the rain poured, and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the soprano singers had an idea. She printed a very large poster with the words: WE WASH. GOD RINSES. (Next to the words was an arrow pointing skyward.)
Business boomed.
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C5Says
New member
Don't worry, intet, I suddenly realized that a word from one country may mean differently in another country.
A sachet (pronounced sa-shay with first 'a' sounding like 'a' in 'la' and second 'a' like 'say') is a small pouch that is sealed from the factory and in it is something (too many things come in sachets these days) good for a serving (in case of coffee, tea, choco drink). Toothpaste and shampoo can also come in sachets, although shampoo is for one application, toothpaste can be for a week or two per person.
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
C5Says - Thank you dear, very eloquaintly, got it. :tiphat::tiphat:
marval - AWESOME :lol::lol::lol::lol:
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How To Tell Where A Driver Is From...
One hand on wheel, One hand on horn: CHICAGO.
One hand on wheel, Middle finger out window: NEW YORK.
One hand on wheel, middle finger out window, Cutting across all lanes
of traffic: NEW JERSEY.
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, Foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON.
One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: INDIANA.......but, driving in CALIFORNIA.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY.
One hand on 12oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, Banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE.
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator, and both feet on brake, Throwing McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS.
Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun ounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, Squirrel tails attached to antenna: OKLAHOMA.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate, in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA.
One hand on the wheel, the other on his sister: ARKANSAS (or WEST VIRGINIA).
One hand on wheel, One hand on horn: CHICAGO.
One hand on wheel, Middle finger out window: NEW YORK.
One hand on wheel, middle finger out window, Cutting across all lanes
of traffic: NEW JERSEY.
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, Foot solidly on accelerator: BOSTON.
One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: INDIANA.......but, driving in CALIFORNIA.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: ITALY.
One hand on 12oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, Banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE.
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator, and both feet on brake, Throwing McDonald's bag out the window: TEXAS.
Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun ounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, Squirrel tails attached to antenna: OKLAHOMA.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate, in the left lane with the left blinker on: FLORIDA.
One hand on the wheel, the other on his sister: ARKANSAS (or WEST VIRGINIA).
marval
New member
For those who take life too seriously.
Save the whales, collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought, it was unfamiliar territory.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used againt you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
I intend to live forever. so far so good.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
When everything's comming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your partner, it will be a great trade.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? raise my hand.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a payment.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
Save the whales, collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought, it was unfamiliar territory.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used againt you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Eagles may soar, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
I intend to live forever. so far so good.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
When everything's comming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your partner, it will be a great trade.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? raise my hand.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a payment.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
Muza
New member
For you computer geniuses
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to the man and begged, "May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" the man asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," he confided. "I broke my wife's hard drive!"
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to the man and begged, "May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" the man asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," he confided. "I broke my wife's hard drive!"
C5Says
New member
For you computer geniuses
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to the man and begged, "May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" the man asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," he confided. "I broke my wife's hard drive!"
marval
New member
It was coming up to Christmas and the judge was in a jolly frame of mind.
"Now then, please tell me what is the charge against you?"
"I was caught doing my Christmas shopping very early," replied the man in the dock.
"That doesn't seem like an offence to me..What do you mean by very early?"
"Well your honour" said the defendant, "it was before the shop was open."
"Now then, please tell me what is the charge against you?"
"I was caught doing my Christmas shopping very early," replied the man in the dock.
"That doesn't seem like an offence to me..What do you mean by very early?"
"Well your honour" said the defendant, "it was before the shop was open."
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Muza dear "For you computer geniuses " Right on the money Muza dear.
" Right on the money Muza dear.
C5Says
New member
Muza dear "For you computer geniuses
You relate too much?