Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
intet - of course - I don't think there could ever be a copyright on jokes, believe me, if there were Disney Corporation would have applied it already.
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter pnoom
- Start date
Acts 29:1-14
1) And it came to pass, when Paul was at Corinth, he and certain disciples came upon a mob that was stoning an organist. 2) And Paul said unto them, "What then hath he done unto thee that his head should be bruised?" 3) and the people cried with one voice, "He hath played too loud!" 4) "Yes, in the singing of psalms, he maketh our heads to ring as if they were beaten with hammers. 5) Behold, he sitteth up high in the loft, and mighty are the pipes and mighty is the noise thereof, and though there be few of us below, he nonetheless playeth with all the stops, the Assyrian Trumpet stop and the stop of the Rams Horn and the stop that soundeth like the sawing of stone, and we cannot hear the words that cometh out of our own mouths. 6) He always tosseth in variations that confuse us mightily and he playeth loud and discordant and always in a militant tempo, so that we have not time to breathe as we sing. 7) Lo, he is a plague upon the faith and should be chastised!" 8) Paul, hearing this, had himself picked up a small stone, and was about to cast it, but he set it down, and bade the organist to come forward. 9) He was a narrow man, pale of complexion, dry, flaking and thin of hair. 10) And Paul said unto him, "Why hath thou so abused thy brethren?" 11) And the organist replied, "I could not hear them singing from where I sat, and therefore played the louder so as to encourage them." 12) And Paul turned round the mob and said loudly, "Let him who has never played an organ cast the first stone." 13) And they cast stones for awhile until their arms were tired, and Paul bade the organist repent and he did. 14) And Paul said unto him, "Thou shalt take up the flute and play it for thirty days, to cleanse thy spirit," and afterward they returned to Corinth and sang psalms unaccompanied and then had coffee and were refreshed in the faith.
1) And it came to pass, when Paul was at Corinth, he and certain disciples came upon a mob that was stoning an organist. 2) And Paul said unto them, "What then hath he done unto thee that his head should be bruised?" 3) and the people cried with one voice, "He hath played too loud!" 4) "Yes, in the singing of psalms, he maketh our heads to ring as if they were beaten with hammers. 5) Behold, he sitteth up high in the loft, and mighty are the pipes and mighty is the noise thereof, and though there be few of us below, he nonetheless playeth with all the stops, the Assyrian Trumpet stop and the stop of the Rams Horn and the stop that soundeth like the sawing of stone, and we cannot hear the words that cometh out of our own mouths. 6) He always tosseth in variations that confuse us mightily and he playeth loud and discordant and always in a militant tempo, so that we have not time to breathe as we sing. 7) Lo, he is a plague upon the faith and should be chastised!" 8) Paul, hearing this, had himself picked up a small stone, and was about to cast it, but he set it down, and bade the organist to come forward. 9) He was a narrow man, pale of complexion, dry, flaking and thin of hair. 10) And Paul said unto him, "Why hath thou so abused thy brethren?" 11) And the organist replied, "I could not hear them singing from where I sat, and therefore played the louder so as to encourage them." 12) And Paul turned round the mob and said loudly, "Let him who has never played an organ cast the first stone." 13) And they cast stones for awhile until their arms were tired, and Paul bade the organist repent and he did. 14) And Paul said unto him, "Thou shalt take up the flute and play it for thirty days, to cleanse thy spirit," and afterward they returned to Corinth and sang psalms unaccompanied and then had coffee and were refreshed in the faith.
methodistgirl
New member
Oh Krummhorn!:grin: Where is that in the bible about coffee?:grin: I have one.
What's red and is allways on the run? Is it A.a fire engine,B.a caboose,
C.a brick house? It was a caboose! Honk! Honk!
judy tooley
What's red and is allways on the run? Is it A.a fire engine,B.a caboose,
C.a brick house? It was a caboose! Honk! Honk!
judy tooley
marval
New member
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.
To his surprise , a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realising he has no cigarettes, he wonders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house?. Get away from me."
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.
"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
To his surprise , a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realising he has no cigarettes, he wonders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house?. Get away from me."
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.
"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
marval - brilliant - made me laugh out loud!!
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Muza dear and Contratrombone64
Muza great idea about the complet book of jokes for the Andalucia exploring.
Thanks guys, I thought I better ask you. :tiphat::tiphat:
CT64 what exactly is a contratrombone?
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intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
The guy has just finished refueling his car, goes to the small house to pay for the gas.
Inside there is a weird man, looking exactly like had he been sitting in a car, with his knees bent and one hand on the steering wheel, handing 10 dollars to the man behind the cash register.
The funny looking guy leaving the tank through the door making sounds like a car with his mouth.
The guy looking at the man behind the cash register:
What´s wrong with the dude? Why don´t you tell him he´s not driving a car?
The man behind the cash register:
Oh no, he says and continues:
The dude comes in every second day and pays me 10 dollars for the gas, and the other every second day he pays 10 dollars for us to wash his car.
Inside there is a weird man, looking exactly like had he been sitting in a car, with his knees bent and one hand on the steering wheel, handing 10 dollars to the man behind the cash register.
The funny looking guy leaving the tank through the door making sounds like a car with his mouth.
The guy looking at the man behind the cash register:
What´s wrong with the dude? Why don´t you tell him he´s not driving a car?
The man behind the cash register:
Oh no, he says and continues:
The dude comes in every second day and pays me 10 dollars for the gas, and the other every second day he pays 10 dollars for us to wash his car.
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
marval
New member
Hymns for the aging.
Precious Lord take my hand
(and help me get up)
It is well with my soul
(but my back hurts)
Nobody knows the trouble I have seeing
Amazing Grace (considering my age)
Just a slower walk with thee
Count your many birthdays
(name them one by one)
Go tell it on the mountain
(and speak up)
Give me that old timers religion
Blessed insurance
Guide me O thou great Jehovah
(I've forgotten where I parked
Precious Lord take my hand
(and help me get up)
It is well with my soul
(but my back hurts)
Nobody knows the trouble I have seeing
Amazing Grace (considering my age)
Just a slower walk with thee
Count your many birthdays
(name them one by one)
Go tell it on the mountain
(and speak up)
Give me that old timers religion
Blessed insurance
Guide me O thou great Jehovah
(I've forgotten where I parked
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
CT64
I checked the link you entered on "contratrombone", weird sounds almost like from a syntheziser or sampler? Does the contratrombone look like any ordinary trombone? For instance played by Robin Eubanks?
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
marval - AWESOME, until the moment I realised it could have been me? Particular this one: Guide me O thou great Jehovah (I've forgotten where I parked).
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
marval - way to go!! LMAO..two of a kind so to speak.
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Hello Ms. Margaret,
RC = roamin' catholic, eh? And here I thought it was "recuperating catholic" - gosh, I'm so out of touch...
:grin::grin::grin::smirk::smirk::smirk::shake::shake::shake::banana::banana::banana::nut::nut::nut::smash::smash::smash::banghead::banghead::banghead::lol::lol::lol:
Cheers,
CD
RC = roamin' catholic, eh? And here I thought it was "recuperating catholic" - gosh, I'm so out of touch...
:grin::grin::grin::smirk::smirk::smirk::shake::shake::shake::banana::banana::banana::nut::nut::nut::smash::smash::smash::banghead::banghead::banghead::lol::lol::lol:Cheers,
CD
Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Dear Ms. Margaret,
Thank you for your rebuttal, Ma'am. Its a good feeling that there is someone to hold one accountable.
Blessings aplenty,
CD
Thank you for your rebuttal, Ma'am. Its a good feeling that there is someone to hold one accountable.
Blessings aplenty,
CD
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally,
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the
tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally,
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the
tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there