Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
What the difference between a Soprano and a Piranha?
Ans: One wears lipstick.
Ans: One wears lipstick.
Musical jokes
- Thread starter Gareth
- Start date
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Ms. Margaret :tiphat:
Billy Cobham: from www.drummerworld.com
Billy Cobham
May 16, 1944
Page I
This guy can actually play this wall of drums and cymbals. The total freakin kit:
1o drums to hit with the sticks, two kicking drums to kick and five cymbals (not all visible) and the high hat.
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Off topic:
Ms. Margaret :tiphat:
I saw him playing with John McLaughlin (englishman - incredible guitarist) and the Mahavishnu Orchestra in Copenhagen 1974. Sitting on the 5th row center, I could watch him close up, while he most of the time, unlike other drummers, were standing up behind the kit playing. He also had a huge gong behind the kit.
He is a bit nutty on the stage, born in Panama :lol::lol::lol::lol:, and during concerts he has two extra snare drums to change, because he hits very hard. But could he play those drums and cymbals man? Geez!!
In the USA they have these auditionings from drummers, who play the same brand like Billy Cobham on Yamaha, who are what are known as monster drummers, because they rank in a class of their own. So they meet three of them for instance, with each their specially built drum set to show off on drum solos. One guy from the left side begin and they change to take over from the next guy - improvised. Three of such monster drummers also playing Yamaha met a couple of years ago - Dave Weckl, Steve Gadd and Vinnie Colaiuta known from jazz and Rock: www.drummerworld.com
Of course on the picture we can not actually see whether the stage is level, because we can not see whether the drool comes out from both sides of Billy´s mouth, according to Frank Zappa. :lol::lol::lol::lol:
I would rather have your drums, more fitting for an oletimer, who has never been on a stage playing the drums showing off, much too shy for such a gig and as everyone here know completely utterly untalented in music - except I am the Danish monster drummer on air-drums, :lol::lol::lol::lol: which on the other hand show, I am a gentleman regarding the ears of my neighbours. :grin::grin: Besides this, I don´t have an 18 wheeler for transportation of the kit, whenever I would tour with my band "Nothing Worse Than Ameteurs".
On topic for the musical jokes:
We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor.
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye was admitted to Oxford University, and was now living in his first year of residence there. His clan was very excited that one of their own had made it into the upper class of education, but were concerned how he'd do in "that strange land." After the first month, his mother came to visit, with reinforcements of whiskey and oatmeal.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Oh, Mother," he replied, shaking his head sadly, "they're such terrible, noisy people: The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and woon't stop; and the one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night."
"But Donald! How do you manage with those dreadful noisy English neighbours?"
"Well, mother, I just ignore 'em. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes..."
What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone that can play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
"I can't see the agony of the audience."
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch. "Madam," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."
The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."
The man replied, "I know you didn't, but your neighbors did."
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marval
New member
A well-known professor of music was accustomed to recieving letters from amateur musicians asking for auditions, and from would-be composers asking him to look at their work. He always ignored them.
But one old lady was particularly persistent. Over and over again she wrote to him to ask him to visit her home to hear her cat play the piano.
At last he gave in. he had agreed to act as a judge at a music festival not far from the old lady's home and he decided that it might be amusing to call on her. so he telephoned her and arrangements were made for him to have tea at her home the following Thursday.
He arrived at the appointed hour to find that his hostess was a very pleasant and cultured elderly lady, and not at all the sort of crank he had been half fearing. They sat down to tea and after a little while a cat sidled into the room, jumped up onto the piano stool and mewed. his mistress stood up, walked accross the room and gently lifted the piano lid, giving the cat's head an affectionate caress as she did so.
The cat sat up, his paws hovered for fully half a minute above the keys, as though he were trying to come to a decision and then he started to play, a little hesitantly at first - because it was quite evidently the first occasion that he had performed for anyone other than his mistress - but then with growing confidence when he saw the strangers rapt attention.
He played the "Moonlight Sonata" very competently. two Chopin polonaises with passion and delicacy, and then a piece of Scarlatti with a flair approaching brilliance. finally, he played a long piece which the professor failed to recognize.
The professor applauded heartily and turning to his hostess he asked who was the composer of the last piece. "Oh!," she said, "Didn't I say? he composes as well, you know. He wrote that last piece himself."
The professor replied, "Now that is truly amazing. You should have it orchestrated."
The cat turned round, looking startled and dismayed, jumped down from the stool, ran accross the room and out of the window, never to be seen again.
But one old lady was particularly persistent. Over and over again she wrote to him to ask him to visit her home to hear her cat play the piano.
At last he gave in. he had agreed to act as a judge at a music festival not far from the old lady's home and he decided that it might be amusing to call on her. so he telephoned her and arrangements were made for him to have tea at her home the following Thursday.
He arrived at the appointed hour to find that his hostess was a very pleasant and cultured elderly lady, and not at all the sort of crank he had been half fearing. They sat down to tea and after a little while a cat sidled into the room, jumped up onto the piano stool and mewed. his mistress stood up, walked accross the room and gently lifted the piano lid, giving the cat's head an affectionate caress as she did so.
The cat sat up, his paws hovered for fully half a minute above the keys, as though he were trying to come to a decision and then he started to play, a little hesitantly at first - because it was quite evidently the first occasion that he had performed for anyone other than his mistress - but then with growing confidence when he saw the strangers rapt attention.
He played the "Moonlight Sonata" very competently. two Chopin polonaises with passion and delicacy, and then a piece of Scarlatti with a flair approaching brilliance. finally, he played a long piece which the professor failed to recognize.
The professor applauded heartily and turning to his hostess he asked who was the composer of the last piece. "Oh!," she said, "Didn't I say? he composes as well, you know. He wrote that last piece himself."
The professor replied, "Now that is truly amazing. You should have it orchestrated."
The cat turned round, looking startled and dismayed, jumped down from the stool, ran accross the room and out of the window, never to be seen again.
Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
Good places for the Blues:
a) the highway
b) the jailhouse
c) an empty bed
a) the highway
b) the jailhouse
c) an empty bed
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
Any last requests?
A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."
"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?"
"That you kill me first." :lol::lol::lol::lol:
Top Ten Signs The Concert You're Attending is Not The Real Woodstock
From "Late Show with David Letterman" on Tuesday, August 9, 1994
10. It's hosted by Ed McMahon.
9. "Amplifiers" are just enormous dixie cups.
8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables.
7. You're asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, you're being introduced as Bob Dylan.
6. One word: polkas.
5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls.
4. "Santana" turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents.
3. They're playing "May we turn the hose on you, please?" [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each night's show with a hose.]
2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving.
1. The crowd is chanting, "Tito! Tito! Tito!" :lol::lol::lol::lol:
A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."
"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?"
"That you kill me first." :lol::lol::lol::lol:
Top Ten Signs The Concert You're Attending is Not The Real Woodstock
From "Late Show with David Letterman" on Tuesday, August 9, 1994
10. It's hosted by Ed McMahon.
9. "Amplifiers" are just enormous dixie cups.
8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables.
7. You're asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, you're being introduced as Bob Dylan.
6. One word: polkas.
5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls.
4. "Santana" turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents.
3. They're playing "May we turn the hose on you, please?" [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each night's show with a hose.]
2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving.
1. The crowd is chanting, "Tito! Tito! Tito!" :lol::lol::lol::lol:
marval
New member
A guitarist arrives at the rehearsal to find the bass player and the drummer fighting.
"What's going on?" he asked
The bass player replied "He de-tuned one of my strings!"
"That's OK" said the guitarist. "You can just tune it back up again".
"I can't" said the bass player. "He won't tell me which one!"
"What's going on?" he asked
The bass player replied "He de-tuned one of my strings!"
"That's OK" said the guitarist. "You can just tune it back up again".
"I can't" said the bass player. "He won't tell me which one!"
methodistgirl
New member
That was funny.:grin:
judy tooley
judy tooley
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
Who cares?
Who cares?
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
Margaret - that is absolutely hilarious!!
methodistgirl
New member
That was funny.:grin:
judy tooley
judy tooley
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
Billy - "Mum! - when I grows up I wanna be a drummer"
Mum - "Billy, you realise you can't do both?"
Mum - "Billy, you realise you can't do both?"
Contratrombone64
Admiral of Fugues
What do you call a stunningly beautiful woman on the arm of a drummer?
His tattoo
His tattoo
Corno Dolce
Admiral Honkenwheezenpooferspieler
What do you call Fiddler Crabs?
Ans: Grumpy String Players
Ans: Grumpy String Players
methodistgirl
New member
Now that was really funny!:lol::grin:
judy tooley
judy tooley
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
There's this guy who has been stranded on a deserted island, all alone for 10 years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."
Then, out of the surf comes a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?", "Ten years!" he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, Man, oh man! Is that good!
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a nice cold beer?" He replies, "Oh, God, it's been at least 10 years!" She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a dry ice pack from around an ice cold beer, hands it to him and watches as he take a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" ,the man replies, "Good God, woman!, don't tell me you've got a Trombone in there!".
Then, out of the surf comes a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?", "Ten years!" he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, Man, oh man! Is that good!
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a nice cold beer?" He replies, "Oh, God, it's been at least 10 years!" She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a dry ice pack from around an ice cold beer, hands it to him and watches as he take a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" ,the man replies, "Good God, woman!, don't tell me you've got a Trombone in there!".
intet_at_tabe
Rear Admiral Appassionata (Ret.)
There are some really funny jokes here.
Margaret
You guys are so funny
It could have been me, age 2-3