The Jokes Thread

Mat

Mat

Sr. Regulator
Staff member
Sr. Regulator
Regulator
I've just come across this story:

(I am one of the organists for our congregation. My roommate is the chorister. Halfway through the meeting, the bishop beckons my roommate over and she comes to talk to me soon after.)
Roommate: “Um, the bishop wants to know if we can prepare a musical number in the next few minutes. The person on the program isn’t here today.”
(We converse for a minute, decide on a hymn that we both know and perform it when called upon. Because the bishop took advantage of our unfailing musicality, I decide to have a little fun for postlude music. I play ‘Hogwarts Hymn’ and the ‘Rohan’ theme as the congregation is leaving the chapel. A few weeks later, I have to play again on very short notice. I do the same thing…)
Passing Deacon: “Is that… May the Force Be With You?”
Me: “Good ear.”
(The same bishop comes over a minute later.)
Bishop: “I can’t tell you how much we enjoy your music.”
Me: “Thanks, Bishop.”
(A few months later, there is a new bishop and I’m supposed to be playing a solo in church. They accidentally forget until the end of the meeting, when they ask me to play it. I play it, but am slightly exasperated and play ‘Return of the King.’)
Roommate: “You know what I want for next Sunday…”
Me: “July 31? Yes, I do.”
(The next week is the birthday of Harry Potter. I slow the music down a lot, but start playing ‘Hedwig’s Theme’ between ‘I Believe in Christ’ and ‘God Speed the Right.’)
Bishop: “Your music is wonderful!”
Me: “Thanks, Bis—”
Same Passing Deacon: “Is that Harry Potter?”
(I didn’t get away with it after that.)
Click to expand...

Possibly an experience of one of our members?
 
teddy

teddy

Duckmeister
I hope they don't find life on another planet because sure as hell OUR GOVERMENT WILL START SENDING MONEY THERE.

teddy
 
Dorsetmike

Dorsetmike

Member
A man asks his elderly father what his secret was for living such a long life. "I'll tell you son, "says the the old man,"every morning I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal". The man follows this advice and amazingly it works and when he eventually dies at the age of 100, he leaves 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a 15 foot diameter hole in the wall of his local crematorium.
 
Dorsetmike

Dorsetmike

Member
(Sorry about this, but I didn't see why I should suffer alone!)

· A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O·
. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
· Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
· Velcro? What a rip off!
 
JHC

JHC

Chief assistant to the assistant chief
[video=youtube;ctVGRgNt0e8]https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ctVGRgNt0e8[/video]
 
Dorsetmike

Dorsetmike

Member
A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"


Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down ... and I know he never asks for directions."
 
teddy

teddy

Duckmeister
Just bought a sat nav. Its not wi-fi its wife I. Its says things like LEFT. LEFT. NO NOT THAT LEFT YOU FOOL.
I put it on the back seat

teddy
 
JHC

JHC

Chief assistant to the assistant chief
I call mine 'cruise control' in fact its less hassle to let her do the driving
 
teddy

teddy

Duckmeister
My wife and I have had ten very happy years. Unfortunately it was before we met!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

teddy
 
teddy

teddy

Duckmeister
My wife and I have had ten very happy years. 1968, 1972, 1979..................................................

teddy
 
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