So much has been written about coffee, especially while drinking coffee,
but admit it, this is only European, when Conquistadors brought it back from South America.
Where's Juan Valdez in all of this? He was very operatic about his donkey and coffee sacks.
Why isn't an Andes Mountain, south side, mid-altitude coffee not sung about?
Are you sure Johann Sebastian Bach wasn't confusing cocaine with caffeine?
Coca-Cola did.
And that brings me to our modern times.
Coffee is such an ordinary thing now, we need to upgrade to a pop-opera, or popera.
Can you imagine the best opera singers, no longer walking along shores with stones in their mouths,
to develop their vocal abilities,
but drinking a couple of liters and singing through the hiccups and burps?
Chugging down some liters onstage would add a wild spontaneity that coffee lacks.
The speed buzz would be the same, so nothing Bach would need timing changes.
And, oh yes, just think of the major sponsors opera would have for the first time.
Many jobs would be created in opera halls, adding cup-holders to historic seats.
Unfortunately, here in North America, the greatest popaholic amongst us is gone,
far, far too young, leaving behind a very beautiful corpse,
John Watt, who died from collapsed lungs after hoisting a three-liter bottle of diet Faygo,
emptying it all, and uncontrollably squeezing it for every last drop.
They say he was quickly buried in a poppers grave,
because the presidential pop maker wanted his soda fountain of fizz to be the public whizz.
It is being said no-one else will ever draw straws the way he did, a lefty all the way.
He instigated the "ice-cubist" movement,
and so far, is the only known proponent to have avoided freezer burn.
The Niagara Parks Commission is considering a celebration,
and will re-route washroom flow to aerate the Falls for a day.
The moral of this story? You still have a choice of bottled or canned.
Pop trivia: Scottish people invented carbonated water, the first being Vernors.
It's a soda pop that is aged for seven years in oak casks,
except in London, Ontario, now just aged for three years.
We toured the factory when I was a young teen.
Only the original recipe, no diet version.
Burp-holders/back-firers aren't welcome.
The nectar of the gods, pop in stereo, or gottalottapoppadei.
